The Power of Belief: Parenting Children with Anxiety

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You know, the other day, I was just thinking of the first time I learned to ride a bike. I was living in Hagerstown, Maryland, and I was about a 5- or 6-year-old little kindergartner. My dad figured it was time to teach me to ride a bike. Pretty normal rite of passage for all kiddos, right (especially in the 1970's when there was little tv and no video games)? I'm sure my dad was excited to teach his first born how to ride a bike, and eagerly got about the business of teaching me. However, things did not go smoothly for me in the bike riding department.

You see, I was terrified of falling. I was an anxious little girl, and really scared of a lot of things, and falling off and getting hurt while trying to ride a bike immediately became one of them. My dad would help me get on the bike, hold tightly to the back of the seat while I put my feet on the pedals and squeezed the handlebars in a death grip. I could feel the steadiness of my dad's hands on the bike and felt safe and held tightly. I remember my dad saying "Don't worry I've got you!" and he then he'd push the bike and run alongside and then I would feel him let go, and the bike teetering and wobbling and I would immediately panic and let go of the handlebars and stick my legs out in the air, and gravity would take hold and I would crash with the bike on top of me in a heap on the ground, my dad rushing to my side to check for injuries. My dad moved to teaching me on the hill near my house to get the momentum in the bike going and get me used to balancing (and also teach me on grass since my legs were going to be total road rash if kept up practicing on the street). This worked to preventing the road rash, but not the panic, as the bike only picked up speed down that hill. I would be ok until dad let go, and then the panic would set in. I remember us practicing this for a few days with no progress, and then me avoiding the bike all together in frustration and fear combined.

Until one day, I arrived home on the bus after a day at school. As I got off the bus, I saw my little brother (who was 4 years old at the time) coming up the street at full speed, and pedaling with all his might, on MY BIKE! While I was crashing and burning, he was watching and learning. So, he just got on the bike and took off. I remember watching him pedal up that street and feelings of anger completely overtook my body. And there is nothing like the adrenaline of anger to force a courageous act out of you (for reference, see the movie The Incredible Hulk). So, I yelled at my brother to give me the bike, got on that thing and took off. I didn't feel any fear, I just did it. I remember riding that bike into the driveway, and my dad saw me coming and he had the biggest grin. "Well, see? I told knew you could do it!".

So, there was absolutely nothing to indicate in my previous performance on that bike that I would ride it one day. But my dad believed in me. All along, when I failed over and over, when I quit and refused to look at that bike any longer, and when I didn't even believe in my own abilities, he believed in me for me.

Matthew Jacobson once said that "Behind every child who believes in himself is a parent who believed in him first." It is incredibly important that as parents, we believe in our children. We need to believe that they can grow, they can learn, they can make mistakes and get up again, that they can overcome the trials and challenges that life presents them and that we as parents are behind them all the way.

Several ways to instill belief in your child are:

• Show them that you love them

• Be patient with them as they learn new things

• Trust them to make their own choices

• Let them know that they don't need to be perfect and that they can make mistakes

• Encourage and praise children's unique gifts and talents

• Encourage them to have their own interests and finally,

• Believe in YOURSELF

As parents, if we do not trust ourselves to make the best decisions we can, to get up when we fail and take a break, and then get up and move on, then we have no hope in conveying to our children that we believe in them. Your healthy sense of confidence is the best gift you can give your child.

If you are struggling with parenting your child due to low self-esteem, or your child is struggling with belief and confidence in themselves, Gerber Play Therapy can help. Call (803) 770-5659 to schedule an appointment.

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